Jar of Dirt and Me
by The Jar of Dirt Is Mine
Summary: a random msn conversation i had with my friend one day. its quite amusing. there are 2 sequels. according to my friend its what happens when 2 crazy people get hyper. What heather says is bolded and timmys is regular.


**Jar of Dirt and Me**

**By: The Jar of Dirt Is Mine**

**Disclaimer: I do not own POTC or POTC **

times up what's your answer

Heather says what is Cairo is right

She bid $6000!

so now her total is 13952

**my bra has water in it**

we go to next contestant

O.o

they say what is Jamaica

I'm sorry that's wrong

bid $2000

mm 10345

final contestant

what is Cairo

**nun uh its not I really do have water in my bra**

that's right $3000

12980

but heather is our WINNER

**ITS SQUISHY**

With a total of 13952!

shell come back tomorrow to face more contestants on Jeopardy

applause

grows silent

a humongous roar

WHATS THAT

**sorry**

**my bra**

CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW

SWINGING ACROSS THE STAGE

Grabs Heather THEY GOT THE WIINER

Cannons fire

crowd runs

LOOK

IT THE BRITISH FROM PORT ROYAL\

FIRE

Boom

**and now she's living a life of happiness with jack sparrow**

now continuing

**AND THE JAR OF DIRT**

**she steals the jar of dirt**

GASP

**he runs after her**

**She runs into her bedroom.**

BOOM

Port royal fleet still firing!!

Look out!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Jack Sparrow orders everyone to fire!

**jack sparrow follows her to her room**

Port Royal ship go bye bye

XD

Everyone celebrates but where's Jack?

meanwhile in bedroom with jar of dirt

your cue -- 

**huh oh**

**right**

lol

**so as he follows her into her bedroom she locks the door and holds him hostage**

gasp

pirates banging door

open up missy

**she then puts everything in her room in front of the door so its impossible for them to get in**

Arggg she a good pirate but well get in missy one way or another!

**she places the jar of dirt on a high high place**

**as she ties jack sparrow to a chair**

**she blocks all the windows so no pirates may get in**

grrrrrrrr

gets out guns

BOOM

**she says I will keep your jar of dirt and hold u hostage here forever unless you will marry me and then stops to block the windows again**

**then jack sparrow says yes ok I will marry you just give me my dirt back**

**she hands him the jar of dirt**

Jack says :Alright laddy you know your quite the adventures one eye well I got tricks up my sleeves too (if u don't want to use your lines lol)

**then she unblocks everything and walks out of her bedroom hand in hand with jack sparrow and goes back to the set of jeopardy to shake Alex's hand**

XDDD

I'm Alex)

YOU DESTROYED MY SET

How DARE YOU

**Ha-ha it's not my fault they shot cannons!**

IT COSTED ME ALOT OF MONEY

**U? no the company**

Auuhhhhhhhggg nevermind just get off my set

**company**

**fine but give me my money**

chh no money here

u blew it up

on my set

lol

**WELL THEN I SHALL SUE U**

**so u will have even less money and I will have more**

NO NO PLZ NO

Fine here take the money

**thank u**

just never return again

lol

**but I must return tomorrow**

NVR

lol

runner up wins bwhahah

**Wanna get sued for false advertising?**

Fine!

come back tomorrow

but we be in a diff studio

**I shall**

since this one under construction

lol

Storyteller:

and so Heather and Jack rode off into the Sunset on the Black Pearl

Hoping to get married at the Sea Port Mantuia

But what adventures tails behold them?

the end

lol

**hahahahahahahha**

we only starting cough

**JACK SPARROW IS MINE ALL MIIIIIIINE**

ACT 2

ACT 2 Scene 1

Town Mantuia

Place wedding chapel

**WE INTERRUPT THIS WEDDING FOR A NEWS BULLETIN**

enters jack heather crew priest citizens

**I must speak with Timmy away from jack**

Timmy enters

may I help you

**yes do u like Allie as much as Karly**

oo u so sly cutting in the play like this lol

of course

now Timmy must leave have a great marriage

exits

(back to play)

**thank u now back to the play**

**(u be jack ill be me)**

(jack) Well what a beautiful Chapel not like the one back in Roland

**WAIT I MUST INTERRUPT AGAIN**

Too prettyful do we have to marry here?

**do u like Allie or Karly more**

Allie) this is an Aside

**thank u**

sigh i wish we went to a more

pirateful bounty down to earth home chapel

**let us go on with our wedding jack**

But oh well I guess we marry here wait!!! Where did you put my Jar of DIRT!

**I gave it to you silly**

no you didn't its not in my pouch

WAIT I SEE HIM THEIF

Come Back here!

Men GET HIM

Swords draw

crew exits

**AAAAAAAAAH**

**give us the dirt**

(goblin) NVR

ITS MINE

HAHA

**heather ropes the thief goblin in and beats him up she then takes the jar of dirt and hands it to jack then pulls him back to the chapel**

**now on with the most important day of my life with NO INTERRUPTIONS**

citizens enter

O what a beautiful marriage

wait (whispers) isn't that jack sparrow

(yes it is I hear he's good bounty)

**HEATHER SCREAMS EVERYBODY SHUT THE HELL UP**

(I say we should tie him up after he's married and sell him and the wife we get double bounty hehe) oo yes such a happy marriage!

Priest enters

Music plays

**walks down the isle**

**aisle**

Jack walks down the aisle

stumbles

oops sorry had to much rum'

**-.-**

before the wedding ha-ha

music plays

**holds on to jack and arrives to where the priest is**

music stops

Dearly beloved

We are gathered here today to join cougha pirate and a lovely countess in holy matrimony

if u have any objections please speak now

silence

I OBJECT! SCREAMS A VOICE!

**OH NO U DO NOT**

gasps through chapel

LOOK

(what's that guys name the snob that's at port royal

**Norrington?**

tee

Norrington enters

I SHALL MARRY HER NOT THIS PATHETIC PIRATE

**heather punches Norrington and says anyone else object?**

Jack: aww my love is a good fighter she's a wonderful pirate you are a sniveling twit

**heather kicks him in the balls**

might I suggest you leave draws sword or you will play dearly for entering this chapel uninvited

pay

**Norrington runs out and everyone cheers**

now can we please continue Priest

ahem

do you miss heather take jack to be your lawfully wedded husband

**I do**

coughywouldumarryhimcough (citizen)

and do u jack sparrow take miss heather to be your lawfully wedded wife

**heather throws bock at him**

I do

**boo**

**book**

Then I announce you

HUSBAND AND WIFE

(cheers)

Norrington (o I cant wait to tell the governor of this wont he be happy ha-ha) Exits Norrington and citizens

Crew enters Congratulations Jack

Jack: Righto now lets carry on I want to find more TREASURE

**heather smiles and looks snobbish to all the girls there**

Crew Jack

Norrington was here

He sailed due North

toward Port Royal

Jack: aww let him go

he cant do anything now

grabs heather (we married now see boys so theirs no fuss)

he cant do anything

well I'm afraid we have bad news

**what**

he um stole um your jar of dirt

from your cabin

**NOO**

HE DID HOW DARE HE

**nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

HE WILL PAY

FOLLOW HIM MEN

SET SAIL

**runs after Norrington and jumps on top of him and pulls out sword. She says if u ruin my wedding day any more than you already have I swear I will kill you right on the spot is that clear?**

(Everyone exits except Heather)

**he mumbles c-c-clear**

(no Norrington left lol

XD

This is your moment

**nope I got there earlier**

(heather alone) (speak your soliloquy

(make it long)

(make it go with pirates and the sea and ships)

(and foreshadow events too)

**The love of my life now is mine. Norrington shall pay no matter what the risk is. I shall accompany jack along his journey and stop Norrington. He will not keep that jar of dirt no matter what it takes. He will not ruin my wedding day even if it means fatality.**

Nice!

end of scene 1

scene 2

Port Royal

enters (what's Elizabeth's fathers name

the gray hair dude

lol

**EHz I don't know**

we say HF

heathers father

enters HF and Count

He: Sire my daughter is out there do something please

Count: Sir we are trying

Give us time

HF: NVR I want my DAUGHTER NOW

Count: Please calm we are doing everything we can

Norrington will be back soon

HF: That twisted Weasel

Hell bring bad news for sure

Count: I don't like him either but we must trust him

Enters Will

Will: What brings news of Heather

Count: Still at sea

Will: We must go find her

HF: Norrington is already out there

Will: We can't trust him I want to save my darling Heather for I know she's probably lost in the big wide cold world of pirates. I am going to save her!

Count: Don't be ridicules Norrington will find her

HF: I hope for if not the sea has swallowed her and if she is found I fear darkness is ahead

Everyone exits

Scene 2 ends

**k now what**

him scene 3 start in moment

INTERMISSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**I have to get pretty first ha-ha**

**barb**

(5 mines!

intermission

**vie returned**

ok

Wanna start again?

U ready?

**uh sure we'll start with Elizabeth on a boat to find the black pearl**

ok Scene 3

Elizabeth alone enters

Scene Bedroom

**oh wait stop now**

**NOO**

Oyo

**I mean heather vie lost it**

oops

Heather

alone in bedroom

scene 3

**yep**

Heather is holding a pendulant in her hand

looking in front of her in silence

then she breaks silence (speaking out loud to yourself

(audience can only hear

**I need to find the black pearl**

**jack left without me honestly I think will loves me as well**

**Norrington does too**

**What do I do?**

**I do not love anyone in this world besides jack sparrow**

**that's it**

**I'm getting a boat and I'm going to find the black pearl if its the last thing I do**

suddenly a CRASH

heather exits bedroom

all the crew stunned

a ship swiped into the black pearl

enters crew of Port Royal and Will

Draws sword at Jack Sparrow

Where is Heather you monster

What have you done with her

Jack: I have not harmed her but maybe you have harmed yourself for being here mate

Jack: I suggest you leave before things get pretty ugly

Will: Never I wont leave without Heather

enters heather

Will: HEATHER

You're all right!

**What is going on tell me now!**

**What have u done will?**

Will: I have done nothing except to save you from this evil man. Come Heather we can be happily married

Norrington will spread lies

we must return to Port Royal

**never**

**there is one person I love in this world and that man is jack sparrow**

**think what you want of him but my opinion has never changed**

Will: Heather... You have... LIES! You have brainwashed her Jack

Draws sword

**Stop this madness!**

Now you must die for your treachery

Jack draws sword Ladies first

**Will I have never loved you! you must go on**

Will: Heather why have you

Well then.

puts sword back in

If you want to know Norrington is now addressing fake news about you

**what is he saying**

and since you and your "husband can decide" I must leave

Set sail men!

goodbye Hear Exits

Jack: Well isn't he a cat out of a bag.

**indeed**

Jack: What do u suggest Heather

Do we return and face your father

he doesn't know yet

**I don't know what to do all I know is that I love you**

**father will understand**

**if not then well then that doesn't matter**

Exits everyone except Jack

(aside) I feel that I don't know something

Maybe I should ask heather more but I fear too

Jack exits

Curtain draws

ACT 3

Scene 1

Port Royal

Enters Norrington Will HF and Count

(u can be any1 u want to be

this allot of talking)

**uh ok**

choose 1 or 2

**Uh 2?**

be Count

and HF

**k**

Norrington:

I have news from you count ready for you

Will: he lies do not listen

Norrington quiet turner

here sir hands info to Count

**count: I do not believe a word of this**

**He: what is the meaning of this? Heather has married jack?**

yes

(Arrington)

yes

its true

in Mantuia

they got married

**Will is this true?**

Will: He lies

there was no marriage

She may love him but she hasn't married

she's marrying me

enters Jack and Heather

**FATHER!**

Norrington: AH HAH PIRATE BACK OFF YOU ARE OFF LIMITS

**DO NOT TOUCH HIM NORRINGTON**

Jack: on the contrary you are a sniveling twit and I don't like swords panted in my face

Will See Heather tell your Father

You are not married

**will I am married**

Will : What

Norrington: See I tell the truth

**I married jack**

Jack: yes its true

He Shocked faints

Count Startled

**father**

**everyone take your leave I need to speak to my father alone with jack**

everyone exits Orrington's last words

My darling I have ridden of your marriage with this smelly old man we shall marry tomorrow we wed at 9 since this overgrown smelly armpit is gonna be thrown in jail until then my love exits

**I SAID TAKE YOUR LEAVE NORRINGTON**

Jack aye I may be unannounced Heather but I am still your wife

He awakens

**father listen not to what anyone says I speak the truth**

**I married jack and I will not be wed to anyone besides jack ever**

**I love him and nothing will cure me of it. Will insists that I am to marry him as does Norrington but I shall not. jack and I shall run away to be together**

(I take HF over

HF: I'm sorry daughter

but Jack entered an unauthorized territory

u must be wed with a citizen

of Port Royal

its the Law

**then I hereby renounce my citizenship**

**consider me a pirate**

HF: u cant

He: Your a countess

**heather takes jacks hand and leaves**

I'm sorry daughter

**I am no longer**

but it must be this way

ends scene 2

18

1

scene 2

stormy rainy

next day 9 o clock

knock on heathers door

**she opens it**

He: Daughter you must leave

its time for your wedding

**I will not leave without jack**

Jack is in jail

**not if I can help it**

**runs out of room and sets off in search of where they are holding jack**

**suddenly the random dog that always has keys walks in and she takes the keys out of his mouth**

DAUGHTER WAIT

**father I will not be wed to him**

**release jack**

guards halt heather

you may not pass miss

I'm sorry

take her away

heather drug away

**draws sword**

He: darling its too late

takes sword from her its gonna have to be this way

enters count

what has happened

**father if you do not release me I will have you dead if I must do it myself**

my daughter has been drug away

she is marrying Norrington under her will

count I'm sorry

but that's the way it has to be

He: agreed I must go get ready

see u there count

Count" good day

Aside for Count (this is going to end terribly I know)

exits

scene 2 ends

scene 3

Wedding Chapel

citizens count Norrington He Crew of Black pearl hiding in nearby area

citizens I hear that this could be a horrible wedding

I know I feel dreadful

music plays

Heather enters

Norrington walks down aisle

**heather sits down on the floor refusing to move**

guards drag her down the aisle

makes sure she doesn't go anyway here

Priest enters

We are hear today to unholy matrimony open Heather an jack

we hereby eligibly dismiss the marriage of jack and heather

rips paper

**tear streams down face**

Do u Norrington

take miss heather

as your lovely wedded wife

I do

Do u heather

take Norrington

as your husband

**never**

I'm sorry miss but u must accept

**the hell I must**

u must say yes

do not speak words in chapel

**just did**

Suddenly DOORS BUST OPEN

Will enters

HOW DARE YOU NORRINGTON

**sighs oh god here we go**

YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO MARRY HER

Since I am the allegeable one

I signed the papers

months

before u ever did

I AM HER HUSBAND

gaps

gasps

**not unless I except**

Priest looks

its true

Norrington u cant marry

your not old enough

Oyo

gasps

Will please come up here

you must marry her

Will smiles

**heather sulks**

DORRS BUST OPEN AGAIN

Citizens O COME ON!!

Jack enters: ya miss me sweets

**JACK**

Heather runs down aisle hugs jack

Will in awe

Norrington pulls out sword You die here today JACK

**draws out jacks sword and holds it to Norrington**

**I swear the next time you threaten him ill kill you**

HOLD!

screams HF

Norrington STOP

PUT THAT AWAY DAUGHTER

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE

WILL

DONW HERE

DO U ALL WANT TO MARRY HER

THEN HAVE A DUEL

**father you will NOT stop me from marrying the man I love**

WHOEVER WINS MARRIES MY DAUGHER

END OF DICUSSION

EVERYONE OUT TO THE COLLISSEUM NOW

**fine with me jack can beat all of you**

everyone runs outsides exits

He grabs daughter We will see who wins you but for the hell it is it better be a good man if they all love u

everyone exits

Scene 4

Coliseum

Raining

thunder

citizens and everyone in the play is there

**sits waiting for jack to rightfully win he**

**her**

**cough waiting**

Duel ringer enters

this is it

the match

**oh there u r ha-ha**

for heather

Everyone play fair

and remember

the one who stands wins

LET BLOOD SPILL FOR SINS YOU ALL HAVE MADE Hell will kill you if u die

LET IT BEGIN DEATH DUELING

exits

no applause

**This is barbaric!**

Audience screams Burn in Hell for few sacs then quiet

READY

BEGIN!

audience screaming over and over Burn in Hell

Swords clinging

Heather nervous

**sits waiting for something to happen**

Norrington gets stabbed

Blood gushing

NORRINGTON IS OUT

TAKE HIM AWAY

TO THE MEDIC

Norrington screams I'm going to hell and no love is with it

medic Norrington exits

Will Fights Jack fights

**heather eases up a bit**

Will stabs Jack

**NO**

Jack falls

**NO**

it is OFFICAL

Will Turner

is our winner

Take this man to the medic

**heather runs down to the fighting place thingy to comfort jack**

Heather has now a husband

Mr. Will turner and Heather Turner

**no she does not**

Jack springs up and stabs Will

**JACK!**

it was a joke mate got to watch pal

will falls

then its official

Jack Sparrow and Heather Sparrow!!!

**kisses him**

everyone cheers

exits

Scene 5 Happy memories

Beautiful day

Nearby Black Pearl

Flowers falling landing on the water

will and Norrington enter with wounds

everyone applauds while jack and heather kiss

flower girls throw flowers on them

heather whispers to her HF

(ill be back)

They sail off together

into the bright sun

above their heads

He says

Threes never been a love like The Dearest Heather and her husband Sir Sparrow

Curtain falls

**APPLAUSE**

**APPLAUSE**

Applause

**APPLAUSE**

Heather sent the wink "Bow"

actors actresses bow

flowers thrown to jack and heather

The End

**woot**

D

WE DID IT

lol

Made an entire Play

**yaaaaaaaaay**

Who's tired?

lol

**heather is**

that was fun D

lol

**yes it was we need to put that on so long though**

copy and paste Xd

**hahahaha yea**

but make sure no errors in spelling

**yep**

**I'm gonna go to bed ill ttyl babester**

Night Hheather

**night**

Sweet dreams of u

and your jack

**hahha**

sailing away

**bye**

bye


End file.
